Wednesday, December 28, 2011

hi

hi there. it's late at night and I'm so tired. the bathroom is still occupied and my sheets were just put in the dryer. part of me feels rather inconvenienced, but after all, this is part of living in a home with multiple people. a bonus is that I do love these people, even if they do inconvenience me at times.

I'm sipping on my mug of hot chocolate, the one from my adopted big sister that says "With God all things are possible." the noises in the bathroom are my mom walking my sister through the steps of brushing teeth and getting ready for bed. my computer hums softly as my fingers pitter patter over the keys. over to my left, I see the smiling face of my boss from her Christmas card. there's nothing like a smile to touch your heart.

my phone keeps making noises. . .I've had a couple texting conversations tonight. I have friends in far away places, friends whom I'd like to go hug and cry with right now. friends whom I'd like to visit for an extended time and just have some heart-to-heart and face-to-face talks with over coffee or tea. time and distance hurt.

a million thoughts hurl through my head, my heart, my life. part of me just wants to cry, the other part too exhausted for such things. those thoughts in my head keep hurling and swirling 'round and 'round, not finding a place to land or make any sense. a break is rightfully needed.

all I hear now is the fan in the bathroom, waiting for the next guest to come in. it needs to be me, for I'm ready to drop. quite honestly I need to write more, but can't right now. hopefully later will hold a time for such things. meanwhile, the bathroom is waiting...


Monday, December 26, 2011

a special boss

there is this special lady I met this year. I met her through a friend as a connection in hopes of getting a job.

she was who I was so nervous to talk to about this job prospect. I just tend to be nervous about talking to anybody I don't know...and even some people I do know. yet finally, I summoned up enough courage to go talk to her and see if she'd give me a job. it was just scary.

first off, I sat in the parking lot forever. I texted Katie and told her I was too scared to go in! she texted me right back "GO in! ask for Emily." so that's pretty much what I did. when I told the girl at the counter who I wanted to talk to, she went behind this big door. my mind was running - here I was, wanting to talk to an important & busy person, who did I think I was? after what seemed like an eternity, this sweet lady came out from behind that big door. [later I learned this big door wasn't as 'glamorous' as it seemed that day. ha!] after quickly explaining why I was there, she got me an application to fill out, and told me to give it to her when I was finished.

finding a seat in the restaurant, I slipped into it and breathed a slight sigh of relief. my stomach was in knots and this was only the beginning. picking up a pen and twiddling it in my fingers, a text had to be sent to Katie: "I DID IT!" then came the process of filling in all of those blanks. what an experience. when it was finished, I sat there and looked at it. then I looked at it again. I was supposed to go take this to Emily. I walked up to the counter, trying to find her, when I heard her call my name. oh? she remembered my name? this struck me as pretty impressive. then I saw her, sitting at a table, obviously in a meeting with another person or two. shyly I walked up and handed it to her, not knowing what else to say. she smiled and told me she'd call me.

Emily called me a couple days later, set up an interview and hired me the same day. I started my job less than a week after that initial nerve-wracking day, and thus began an adventure which would forever change my life.

fast forward to some months later. I remember the day I picked up on the fact that Emily called me Ruthie. it was cute, as well as pretty special to me. in the midst of the whirlwind rushes, cleaning, stocking and daily duties belonging to a job at Chick-fil-A, there really isn't time to stop and chat or get to know people really well, especially a busy boss. yet the more I saw her, the more she intrigued me and made me want to know her. some people in my life are like that... so I held onto the times she called me Ruthie as something special between the two of us.

there was the day when I broke down...in tears...on the job. it was sudden, but it was the result of days or weeks of mounting pressure. I tried to hide the tears, but they were all too visible, and she saw them. she asked me if I was okay, and of course I said "yes" but then my voice broke and it all let out. I wasn't okay... she told me to go to the back and wait on her...she would come talk to me. waiting seemed like forever. I felt like a blubbering idiot standing there crying. people probably wondered what on earth was wrong with me. I kinda did too.

that day I realized another reason why Emily is such a special person and wonderful boss. she asked me what was wrong, what caused that final breakdown, and gradually I told her some of the things that were bothering me. she listened, as kind people do. she didn't say much, for she didn't have to. part of me wanted her to instantaneously fix everything, take away the hindrances and make it all be good. she didn't do that, but it was probably for the best. in the end, the best advice she gave me was this, in summary: "there will always be people that are hard to work with. in those situations, the best [and hardest] thing to do is pray for them. it won't be easy, but it will help a lot." in life I've realized there are two special kinds of people: ones who pray for and with you, and those who encourage you to pray through the difficult times. basically, those kind of people are priceless, and I realized what a special boss I really had.

then there was the morning I left my nametag home. it was pretty devastating, because I'd had it, but set it down momentarily and forgot it. for most of the morning I wore a nametag that said "Curtis." it felt so lame, because I should have had mine, but it would cost money to replace mine. finally, I could stand it no longer so went to Emily and asked her to make me one. she laughed and said "Curtis wouldn't work?" my pride was a bit wounded, because I always thought I could be fine with my one nametag, and I had been for nearly eight months. later, Emily told me "it builds character." that has stuck with me, reminding me that even embarrassing situations can help build character. in the end, she never charged me for my new nametag. I asked her why, and she simply smiled at me and said it was her prerogative, and that she knew when people mean to or don't mean to. my new nametag is kept in my car for a spare, but mostly for a reminder to me. on the back I wrote "Ruthie | it builds character, EJC" reminding me of Emily and the impression she made on me.

mostly, I've been a blessed girl being employed by Emily for the past nine months. I randomly wrote her notes, telling her how she has blessed me. writing is what I do best. following her on facebook, I picked up on the fact that she loves Audrey Hepburn. so I had this idea and asked her if she would send me her favorite quote by AH. she did, and I carefully designed it in photoshop, printed and framed it for her. wrapping it all pretty in red paper and writing a note to accompany it, I shyly asked a supervisor to stick it in the office for her. there was an anxious feeling in my heart, because I really wanted her to LOVE it but just wanted to wait and see what she would say.

that morning I was working the window, taking customers payments and giving them their food. out of the corner of my eye, I saw Emily had gotten there and was ringing up catering orders on front counter. then she came over beside me to fix her morning coffee. it was all I could do to not blurt out "did you see you have something in the office??" the next little while drug on so long. she was in the back awhile, and when she came up I kinda felt that she had already opened it. she walked over and was saying something to Brandi, then she slipped right up next to me while I wasn't with a customer, put her arm around me, gave me a hug and said "it's so perfect. . .you're so talented!" I'd like to say she said "Ruthie" too but what I do remember is that I felt that hug forever, and those words ringing in my heart all morning. she put an extra skip in my step and smile on my face that morning. I had succeeded! she was happy...she loved it! later she posted a picture of it on facebook and said "thank you Ruthie...it matches my house perfectly."

Emily says she is the shyest person in the world. it's probably because she doesn't realize how shy I am. sometimes I want to tell her something or talk to her but I don't, because, well, I'm pretty shy. she gave me a Christmas card with her picture on it, and I proudly hung it up on my desk. she makes me smile a lot, and she really is pretty. my sister commented on it the other day and said there is a sweet, young, pure beauty about Emily. I agree.

God knows what He is doing whenever He brings someone into our lives. I'm pretty thankful He brought Emily into my life, because she has blessed me far more than she can imagine! she has taught me so much about life and people, and the importance of moving on and doing our job well. she's taught me a lot about kindness, how heartwarming smiles can be, patience and reality.

and so I wrote this because of this special lady who has impressed my life greatly. I wish she could read it, so she could know a tiny bit of how she has impressed me. yet even if it's just for me, I wrote it so I'll remember.

I love you Emily.

waiting, wondering and anticipation

don't ask me why I titled this what I did. it's just because it needed a title, and those were the words that came to my mind.

you know, life is far from what any of us expected it to be, I daresay. there are so many surprises along the way, so many bumps and bruises that we wouldn't have planned.

so I was thinking. now that Christmas is gone, there is just one week till the new year. this time next week it will already be the 2nd of January. it's pretty crazy... sometimes it'd be nice if life would slow down for a bit, so I can catch my breath and think about this life that is running by. life seems to have wings and wheels of its' own.

when I think of a new year, it can make me uptight. it's like I want everything to be perfect and new with no mistakes. right now 2012 doesn't have mistakes in it. but when I arrive in any new year, or day, or week, I bring along with me a fallen nature and tend to mess things up. it can be so overwhelming.

for me, resolutions don't work, so I don't even try them. yeah, I can say I want to lose weight or eat better. I can think of nice things I want to do, goals I'd like to accomplish, and a life I'd like to live, yet when it's all said and done, life doesn't turn out the way I imagine. it takes a whole lot more than resolutions to change a life. to sum it up, it takes God, but it also takes self-control, self-discipline and determination.

I am so timid about 2012. this past year has been long and hard, in different ways. it's pretty obvious that I'll be taking "unknowns" of life from one year into the next. for that, it'd be pretty nice to clean the slate and start over absolutely fresh. why isn't this possible?

so that's about it. I can only take it one day at a time, thus the anticipation of what is to come.

after all, what /is/ to come?

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

yikes

there are so many thoughts on my mind.

sometimes it seems that I am going to explode.

however, there seems to be not enough time to sit down and think through it all, and make sense of this stuff into words.

tonight my hair is fuzzy. annoyingly so.

I should already be in bed. wake-up comes at 5am for the grand 6:15 shift I'm scheduled for. I love my job, love my shift. . .but don't so much love the getting up part.

sometimes, I just desperately want to dress up cute for work. but it's always the same old uniform, belt, nametag, shoes, hair put up. my mom bought me new shoes and they are a FAR better improvement on the last ones. today though, we got invitations for our company Christmas party, and it said formal wear is required. I am absolutely excited! altho...I don't think I own anything that quite fits what I want to wear, so maybe I'm going to have to sew something. *sigh* it's that or go shopping, and I have some really nice pieces of 'formal' fabric...just need brains & time to go together to make something. lol.

anyhow, I'm running. I feel sooo behind with life, with photography, with everything.

feel like a failure at times.

like with a photography love I want to turn into a business, but the business doesn't seem to happen, even if I give people prices and ask if people want their pictures taken. what am I doing wrong? you don't have to answer, I just need to ask it.

anyhow, I shall run. oh, I already said that, did I?

till laters,

- me

Monday, November 14, 2011

conflict

Conflict: it's a battle of the ages. You can have conflict on a variety of levels and for a variety of reasons, but I speak on the personal conflict inside one's own heart.

You think you know what you want. But the next moment you have no clue. Striving towards goals, dreaming dreams, and then it all collapses, crashes. It's a devastating feeling. Waiting months, wondering what should be the answers of life, turmoil rages in your heart. Finally, you think you have the answer. It seems as if it's the right one, yet it's so scary. A response is written, formulated, thought over and articulated. You let it rest awhile so it can marinate, wanting to be sure this is right. It seems so much scarier now then before. The paper is shredded in the very hands that wrote it, who were ready to accept it. We're back to ground zero.

Will this ever end? Will the fear, the being afraid; will it ever cease? Or do you have to take a step into the [very] scary unknown before you'll even begin to feel comfortable?

It's life. It's hard. It's conflict.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

a slow kind of break

today is my day off. it's been a good week. I have spent my Saturday at the place I've been the past 5 days - Chick-fil-A. I'm a fan of this place.

it's different being on the 'other side' of things, especially a place where you know all of the workers and the ins-and-outs of a lot of the systems. people watching is fun - thus the past 5 and a half hours flying by so quickly.

it's almost sad that I haven't accomplished a whole bunch. I had a good chat with a friend, and then mostly worked on some pictures from my trip to the country last weekend. they make me smile so much. pretty sure I need to make a photo book out of them all.

sometimes you just have to slow down and almost do nothing. altho now I'm thinking of all the things I need to get done...

so I'm fixing to leave Chick-fil-A, till Monday at 6:00am. I think a bike ride in Grandma's neighborhood with mommy is in order. :)

Friday, November 11, 2011

boys

sometimes, I wonder. what if boys knew how much we dissected them? how we talk about the things we do or don't like, how they do things certain ways, what they wear, and all other sorts of things.

sometimes I think it'd be neat if I could take all I like in guys and combine them to make up a guy for me. that is so unrealistic, but there are certain things that just irritate the stew out of me, and there are 'nice' guys who do/wear them.

sometimes relationships just seem too complicated, and I think it'd be easier to buy my own house, travel the world and do the things I love to do. seems way less complicated. and yet, I don't want to fall into a feministic mindset that I can do everything without guys.

and yet sometimes, it gets to the end of the day and I want a guy who will let me cry, let me unload, hold me, kiss me and love me for who I am, regardless of my shortcomings.

sometimes, it is all perplexing.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

today

Today contains a lot of things. In actuality, it's all I have right now.

Headset was my friend in the Chick-fil-A drive-thru during lunch hour. It was fantastic! When co-workers were freaking a bit when an inspector showed up, it made me wonder why people do things if they're going to try to hurry up and change it when they're going to be inspected. Why don't you just do it the right way all the time? Some things make no sense to me.

A few minutes ago, there was some fantastic light out my bedroom window. I love light. It could be argued either way - do I love photography because I love light or love light because I love photography? However, I end up with hundreds [thousands?] of picture I never use but take because light makes me happy. Thus the uncreative feeling right now, even amongst happy light.

The water pressure on our well has been down lately. My mommy tells me I need to just be grateful for what I have and go get a bath or shower or whatever I can get. She's so true, but I want it to all be right! I live in a lot of luxury, and don't like it when I can't have it. So many people live with so much less than I do...

I'm really thinking about going to Haiti in November. On a recent visit with a friend, we were talking about life and my current goals, the biggest of which is saving for a car. The thought came to my mind and I shared with her: "it seems pretty shallow when my life consists of saving for a car." She agreed: "I daresay that is a good question to ponder. I think life is bigger than saving for a car too." Thus it led to me thinking that perhaps I should just use my passport and go see another culture. That isn't exactly how I thought it, but it would help with the "bigger than a car" perspective, and would definitely be life-changing.

Time passes so quickly and sometimes it seems filled with nothing at times. It's really scary. There are so many things I need to do that keep getting put off. Something has to change.

I'm going to try to write more, even if nobody reads it. I read something recently that to write better you need to just write more, even it isn't great. Because you won't get better unless you do it, so that's what the plan is.

Monday, September 5, 2011

why change?

it was an unnerving thought. for the fourth year in a row, she was looking at the reality of being in a different church building come her birthday. after years of having the security of actually belonging somewhere, the last four years of her life had been a bit unsettling, not knowing what was next or why all this was happening.

this time, she knew ahead of time. yet it didn't really hit her till the announcement was made. then, the tears fell and she felt so alone. what was going to happen? how could things get better? what did the future hold? life had definitely brought lots of changes in the past year with more prospects of change in the coming year, but this, really? why this, and why now?

she thought of the hopelessness of last year. how God intervened and given her some special friends. ones who loved her and encouraged her for who she was and were very special souls themselves. and she wouldn't have met these dear friends without experiencing a new birthday with new faces and a new church. thankfully, she knew she'd still have these friends no matter what different directions they may go.

it was hard to come to a conclusion, because there were no facts other than the fact that she had to move on. she wanted to talk to somebody, but the people to talk to these days seemed to get fewer and fewer. after all, it gets tiring after awhile having everyone jump to conclusions about your life or decisions when all you want is for someone to hold you, listen to you and keep believing when your faith is a bit shaken.

again, she was faced with changes in life, and she wanted to resist so badly, but what would the resisting do? if it couldn't revert reality, what was the use? so, it seemed that it would be okay to shed a few tears and then remember "life is hard, but God is good." after all, this is what had gotten her through past times. for even in this, God had promised that all things would work together. redemption should be on the horizon soon.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

"Push Story"

Okay Red Inkers, I am here. I need your help, critique and input.

Basically, I have this assignment for a mentorship I'm in. I was supposed to write a "push story" for my photography - using my personal story/experience and my top 5 photography "values" to create something akin to a script for a promo video to show people why they would choose me to take their pictures. Ahem, it's supposed to be something like that. I don't know if I'm making sense.

Anyhow, if you could read it and tell me how it flows, if I make my point good and anything else you have to input me on, that'd be great! Here are my "values" that I was supposed to incorporate into the story:

Top 5 “reasons/words” why I value photography:
Moments - it encapsulates moments in time that are gone in an instant, but relived forever.
Life - life is a treasure and can be seen all around you - I love the beauty of life.
Communication - here among life, communication is important. We all long to be communicated with in some way.
Expressions - it captures expressions I would otherwise miss.
Memories - every passing day, is a memory. They are pieces of history that make up who we all are as individuals. I celebrate this.

______________________________________________

When I first picked up a camera I was so naive as to how it would change my life.


Without even trying, I took life for granted for a long time. It seemed as if life would go on the way I dreamed. In my dreams, the important people in my life were always there. It just seemed right that way. The summer of 2009 was to change my thinking.

My Papa got cancer and it was a quick nightmarish dream that ended up with us burying him in the fall. We always were a close family, and with my grandparents living five miles away we got together often. I never pictured any of my grandparents out of the equation of our family.
Back in the spring, before we knew he had cancer, Grandma & Papa were over at our house one day. My little sister, Mary, loved Papa so much, and loved to take walks with him. So off they went on an afternoon stroll. With a suggestion from my mommy to take advantage of the special moment, I soon had my camera and took a few pictures. Six months later their value was going to immensely multiply for me, even though I had no idea then.

One day, realizing how quickly Papa was slipping away, I printed some of those pictures and sent one to Grandma. She told me “they brought tears to my eyes and my heart.” It was sweet to know the message that had been communicated to her through a priceless picture. Their expressions and that moment are forever engrained in our hearts through those pictures.

For me, photography is a way to capture those fleeting moments that are quickly just memories. Through the medium of a photograph, memories can be relived so vividly over and over and over again. Expressions you would forget, communication that is so important, moments that are so swiftly gone, all can be preserved through a photograph.

Most importantly, it is my goal to help people enjoy the beauty of life and the sparkle of every moment. When I can do this with my pictures, I feel like I have succeeded.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Confession

To My Fellow Red Inkers:

I have a confession to make, and must make it public with all of you.

Lately I've had a hard time focusing on things. This has led to me being unfocused on a lot of things, some of which I really need to devote my time to better. Part of it does have to do with my failure to prioritize, make a schedule and not waste my time doing other things.

This challenge sounded great, and I really wanted to do it. However, right in the middle there came up an opportunity for me to take advantage of a mentorship opportunity. I knew it'd require a lot of me, but figured I could play scrambled eggs and fit all of this into my crazy life.

It's not working.

I'm starting to feel a bit better, after feeling really down about life and responsibilities. There are things I need to work on, things I need to really focus on, things I really need to make myself do.

All that to say, I am not promising any more posts on this blog until I find a better time. I don't want to do it halfheartedly, and that's what is happening. I really love to write, and I really want to write. This place is going to stay here so I can come and write whenever I can - and please do feel free to keep up with it, whenever I do write.

I don't like copping out or being a quitter. But I just wanted to share these things with you. I will do my best to read and comment on y'alls posts, but I've had a hard time keeping up with that too. It has been quite enjoyable to read what y'all have written - to see the variety and interests.

God bless each one of you. I'm not leaving - but I do want you to know some of the reasons that I really haven't written every day. I took too much on at one time.

Till Later, friends. I'm off to fix dinner and head to church.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

March 12, 2011

Today was beautiful.

Went to a little prayer meeting at church. Saw a special friend.

Rode out to the country with my brother. It was so very quiet and peaceful. Visited with a dear Granny friend, took pictures of yellow jasmine on the fenceposts, and took a walk through the woods with a friend and my brother.

We drove to another country place, where we ate some food. Then we stopped by my friend's work place and took her candy and a card and visited for a few minutes to make her day a little brighter and make her smile. I think it worked.

I came home, folded laundry, took a shower and feel more rested.

Hopefully I can write soon. But life is beautiful. . .really it is!

Friday, March 11, 2011

I Don't Know What To Title This

Okay, let's set things straight:

I DO love words.

I AM lacking time right now.

I WANT to put my thoughts into words that make sense.

My brain IS mushy. {this is NOT funny}

My heart IS full.

I AM out of sorts with myself right now. {NOT a very cool place to be}

At least I can write here and y'all will understand me to a point. That makes me feel a little bit better.

But right now, this is where I'd like to run away to:

_____________________________________________

I would love to grab my Bible, journal, and a passel of pens, jump into a car, don my sunglasses and turn on some melodious melody that would calm my spirits. My choice for the moment would be something such as "A Place Called Grace" or "Through the Fire", for such words would speak to my heart where I'm at right now. Down long highways I would go, till I found my spot.

This place I speak of is in my imaginations, and I don't quite know the entirety of what it looks like or where exactly it is located. But what I do know, I tell. It's well off the beaten path, a little cottage surrounded by woods, but the woods are not too close to the cottage. In other words, breathing room is plenteous. The sounds of nature come alive, along with the blooming colors of spring. There is no phone, internet, computer or any such thing available. It's a quiet place - a lovely place. There are several places that are beckoning you to come and rest: the wide porch, the swing out back or the gazebo down the wooded path.

If you were to go there, you would find rest, rejuvenation and relaxation to your heart's content. You wouldn't want to leave, for it would be a haven of peace and comfort and you would learn more about the beauty of life and the specialness of every moment in more ways than you could imagine. It's a happy place, and I cannot imagine anyone who would not want to go visit for at least a little spell.

Sometimes, sometimes, I really wish dreams would come true.

_____________________________________________

Keep dreaming, you say? Eh, really? It's making me more out of sorts with myself and a little more bah-humbuggish. Blah. At least for this moment. But it was fun to write. ;) ha

I'm Alive

Dear Fellow Red Inkers,

I apologize for my failure to be 'here' in this challenge. It's not the way I wanted it to turn out. I really want to write. Yet I have tons of other assignments that I've been needing to work on which have been consuming my time and my energy. Yes, I want a break.

Anyway, I have not forgotten. I shall probably catch up when all of y'all are long since through and finished well. Then nobody shall be around to critique my writing.

Hopefully I can write something later today or this weekend. We shall see. There is a lot I need to learn and take in and get done.

Thank you for your kind hearts and understanding.

Here I Stand,

Your Fellow Red Inker

{Ruth Ann}

Monday, March 7, 2011

Tonight

It has gotten late.

It has been a long day.

It has been a good day.

Obviously, I cannot write this late.

I must get to bed.

However, I might [might] try to write two things tomorrow.

We shall see.

Life is full. But it is delightfully full, and oh so good.

I got a lot accomplished today.

Now, bed is calling my name.

God is so good to me. I don't think I can say that enough.

Till Later, Friends.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Scrambled Midnight Thoughts

I love words so much that my mind is mush tonight. :(

I really wanted to write...cause I really have something on my mind.

Yes, I avoided that last assignment like the plague. I clicked on the link and went "waaah!" :-/ Kelley told me it wasn't that bad but that she didn't like her response either.

I really like what I wrote yesterday. Just cause it's so real and true and what I've written in my head so many times. It feels good when something is out of my head and finally in words that I can read.

Sometimes I think I'm silly, cause I like to read what I write. Then I'll read it again and again and again. And sometimes I'll still correct or edit it.

Is it weird to like reading what you write?

Life is crazy full these days. My brains went mush tonight. It was not cool. I had tons of assignments and couldn't focus on any of them. Now it's after midnight and I really should be in bed.

Tomorrow is going to be so full. Wake up, prayer at church, preparations for Mema's birthday dinner, put together picture board for SS class, at least do an outline on a flier for church, finish a reading assignment, get some semblance of order in my life... And yes, I'm crazy for staying up so late.

But now I can say I wrote today. Even if it is scrambled. You don't even have to attempt to chop this one apart if you don't want to. I have a good feeling that it's not very good since I already admitted to it being all over the place.

There. It felt good to write. Even if it didn't make much sense.

Good Knight, dear Red Inkers.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

My Special Friend

I saw her that first day we walked into a new church. My anxious little heart wondered what could be in store for us here, because I really didn't want to settle down if my heart was going to be ripped up again. So I surveyed the scene before me, taking it all in. This dear soul caught my attention. She sang so beautifully, had the cheeriest smile and when it was time to greet people she came over, introduced herself and gave me a hug.

Later, when I had to be at work and couldn't be there, I was told she wondered where I was. That little bit of news surely made me smile, because if anything I was hungry for love, for a compassionate and understanding soul. She definitely seemed to have a good dose of care about her.

Then there was the night I sat at my computer, debating whether I should request her as a friend on facebook. We didn't really know each other a whole lot, but there was something so genuine about her which made me want to know her more. Finally, I decided to send a request and see what would happen. To my delight, the request was soon accepted and we haven't turned back since.

One day I sent her a message, asking prayer for a friend who was sick. The reply was so genuine, kind and caring. This lady was intriguing. She had a glow about her life that was clearly Jesus shining from her. Soon it came to be that one of the happiest parts of my day was seeing the message notification on facebook. Day after day I would write, and she, busy lady that she was, would write back such encouraging words. If I was discouraged, she was there with a word of cheer, if I was happy, she was smiling with me, and if I was overwhelmed, what a comfort she was! Many words were passed between the two of us, and God began to form a special bond of friendship between her and I.

Then there was that night where my heart felt broken. Life just seemed laden with trials at that time, and my mommy's tears seemed like they could have been mine as well. During the song service that night, my friend sang a beautiful song, "He Is Here." My heart was hurting, but hearing her sing comforted my heart. Afterwards, she walked over to where I was sitting, and without a word wrapped her arms around me as she caressed me in her arms. I felt safe and did not want to leave that sweet embrace. That night she was Jesus to me, being comfort to a mourning heart. The memory of that time shall forever live with me.

In my heart I am confident that God designed this friendship. My friend is a very special person. I love to see the way she looks at her husband, how twenty-four years later they still act like they are on their honeymoon. I love how she takes the time to invest in my life, being a listening ear when I need to unload or offering advice when I ask for it. I love how she loves Jesus and lives Jesus and praises Jesus. If anything, I want her example etched in my heart so I can be a true friend to others like she has been to me.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

An Exceeding Abundant Life

Tonight I'm happy. Quite contented, peaceful, excited and expectant.

It's been a busy day, today has. But I got lots accomplished, and now here am working on a few projects and realized that I hadn't written...oh fun! It's been in my head all day long but I've just not been able to stop and make it happen. So let's see where I go. :)

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Life is so different than what I ever imagined it to be. Yet at the same time, it is so much richer, exciting and fulfilling than anything I could ever have dreamed. It reminds me of a favorite verse that says "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us..." [Eph 3:20] The more I live the more I find truth in the fact that God is an on-time God and His ways and plans are so much better than mine.

It is true that there are times where I feel discouraged, when I just want my dreams to come to pass now and on my terms, but then I'm reminded that it's not about me. In fact, all of life as a Christian should be spent living every moment and doing everything I do for one purpose: to bring glory to God.

My thoughts tonight are happy thoughts. I came home from church where we sang "My, my, my what a JOY to serve my Jesus, Oh that I could explain the way I feel..." That pretty much sums it up for me right now. There's no greater happiness than what comes from feeling peace in my heart that I am participating in His work.

In the past few weeks I have seen God's hand on my life. He's given, He's taken away, and right now I can stand and say "Blessed be Your name!" It's really beautiful. It's always an encouragement to me when I know without a doubt that God has given me projects to do, and they weren't just something else I decided to do to pass time. Honestly, I'm just excited about the things I've been seeing God do and what He is in the middle of doing in my life.

The other day I found out that I no longer have a job. Basically, I was "laid off", if you want to put it in proper terms. You see, I have worked part-time for a Christian ministry for teenage girls ever since I graduated high school six years ago. Finances have been tough lately and they cannot afford to pay me at this time. In the midst of wondering how I am going to pay my bills much less save money for other things, there is a peace in my heart. God has a plan and I am so excited to see what the next part of His plan is. It's wonderful to remember the part of the verse that says "exceeding abundantly."

Sure, I still have dreams for what I want life to contain. It'd almost be impossible to live without them, for that is what keeps me hoping and growing. Yet for me, I need to keep my eyes on Jesus so I'll dream His dreams for my life and see them come to pass. Life may be different from my expectations of younger days, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

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This was so 'spur of the moment' but I needed to write it. Can't wait to hear y'alls thoughts! And, seeing it is so late, no, I didn't proof-read it. Y'all get that joy!

ps: thanks to all of you who commented with ideas for improvement on my last post. I read the comments but have yet to fully process them and make my edits. :)

pss: hehe. I DID proof read it - quite a few times actually. So it's cleaned up since the beginning. told you I'm forever doing this.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Beyond Four Walls

family. life. laughter. beds. kitchen. haven. light. warmth. love. noise. smells. safety. parents. siblings. work. computer. yard. memories. happy. frustrations. room. food. internet. phones. hearts.

I have a superimposed image of home in my mind. Or, maybe, it's two thoughts composed into one that give me the whole picture of what home is. You see, home is a beautiful place - sometimes messy, overwhelming, and frustrating while at other times quite peaceful, melodious, and calm. Yet I normally can think of it as a safe place - a haven of work, rest, and useful, happy enterprise.

My home is down a dirt road, lodged on a four-acre lot - a mini-farm in the middle of the city. From the moment you arrive at this place you will immediately begin to hear a variety of noise. Whether it's the constant, yippy, annoying bark of the dogs or the sounds of laughter and voices talking, it's a place I've known my entire life. Though time and seasons have changed many things, there is always a happy feeling in my heart when I arrive home.

Truly, there is "no place like home." Apart from the people, memories, and time spent inside these walls and frolicking in the outdoors, 'home' wouldn't be much. That's why I can straightway tell you that home is not just four walls and a roof. No, it's way more than that. It's the wake-up noise in the morning of mom playing the piano loudly so we'll wake up, or banging on our doors and saying it is high time for us to be out of bed since the sun has been up for hours. It's smelling the awful smell of oatmeal floating up the stairs, confirming my idea that it'd be a much better idea to stay in bed. Or, on happier days, it's smelling the aroma of bacon, eggs and grits.

Home is where I can be real - whether it's real and scary when I get up in the morning or real and grumpy and opinionated about whatever it is that strikes me in the wrong way. That realness comes with a price, too, because it means that my siblings have a doorway to knowing what strikes my fancy, what [or whom] I love or hate, and what is the quickest way to get on my nerves or making me smile or cry. In this realness though, there is a closer bond because I know we're all together for the long haul.

Yet in the word 'home' I find a greater mystery that compels me. A dear friend told me that when she met her husband [to-be] she felt like she'd found home. Twenty-four years later, she still is madly in love and since her heart is her husband's, she's at home wherever he is. It's quite beautiful. Every time I see it, my heart is encouraged and filled with joy, love, and happiness. One day, I want to find home like that. It'll be a continuation of the miniature, noisy farm and hubbub of life that I live now, but it's all in my dreams: to find home.


Friday, February 25, 2011

Hello!

This is the story of a girl who loves words.

She hates a blog being here with no words on it. ;)

She lives in Florida and is the 2nd oldest of 7 children. {she wouldn't trade a thing about it, 'cept she wishes there were still little siblings around}

She loves to write, but thinks this Jennette girl might chop her writing to pieces. ;) LOL. But seriously, writing is what she does to de-stress, to think things through, sort things out or to clear or mind.

Let the adventure begin! Yee-haw! ;)