today

Today contains a lot of things. In actuality, it's all I have right now.

Headset was my friend in the Chick-fil-A drive-thru during lunch hour. It was fantastic! When co-workers were freaking a bit when an inspector showed up, it made me wonder why people do things if they're going to try to hurry up and change it when they're going to be inspected. Why don't you just do it the right way all the time? Some things make no sense to me.

A few minutes ago, there was some fantastic light out my bedroom window. I love light. It could be argued either way - do I love photography because I love light or love light because I love photography? However, I end up with hundreds [thousands?] of picture I never use but take because light makes me happy. Thus the uncreative feeling right now, even amongst happy light.

The water pressure on our well has been down lately. My mommy tells me I need to just be grateful for what I have and go get a bath or shower or whatever I can get. She's so true, but I want it to all be right! I live in a lot of luxury, and don't like it when I can't have it. So many people live with so much less than I do...

I'm really thinking about going to Haiti in November. On a recent visit with a friend, we were talking about life and my current goals, the biggest of which is saving for a car. The thought came to my mind and I shared with her: "it seems pretty shallow when my life consists of saving for a car." She agreed: "I daresay that is a good question to ponder. I think life is bigger than saving for a car too." Thus it led to me thinking that perhaps I should just use my passport and go see another culture. That isn't exactly how I thought it, but it would help with the "bigger than a car" perspective, and would definitely be life-changing.

Time passes so quickly and sometimes it seems filled with nothing at times. It's really scary. There are so many things I need to do that keep getting put off. Something has to change.

I'm going to try to write more, even if nobody reads it. I read something recently that to write better you need to just write more, even it isn't great. Because you won't get better unless you do it, so that's what the plan is.

why change?

it was an unnerving thought. for the fourth year in a row, she was looking at the reality of being in a different church building come her birthday. after years of having the security of actually belonging somewhere, the last four years of her life had been a bit unsettling, not knowing what was next or why all this was happening.

this time, she knew ahead of time. yet it didn't really hit her till the announcement was made. then, the tears fell and she felt so alone. what was going to happen? how could things get better? what did the future hold? life had definitely brought lots of changes in the past year with more prospects of change in the coming year, but this, really? why this, and why now?

she thought of the hopelessness of last year. how God intervened and given her some special friends. ones who loved her and encouraged her for who she was and were very special souls themselves. and she wouldn't have met these dear friends without experiencing a new birthday with new faces and a new church. thankfully, she knew she'd still have these friends no matter what different directions they may go.

it was hard to come to a conclusion, because there were no facts other than the fact that she had to move on. she wanted to talk to somebody, but the people to talk to these days seemed to get fewer and fewer. after all, it gets tiring after awhile having everyone jump to conclusions about your life or decisions when all you want is for someone to hold you, listen to you and keep believing when your faith is a bit shaken.

again, she was faced with changes in life, and she wanted to resist so badly, but what would the resisting do? if it couldn't revert reality, what was the use? so, it seemed that it would be okay to shed a few tears and then remember "life is hard, but God is good." after all, this is what had gotten her through past times. for even in this, God had promised that all things would work together. redemption should be on the horizon soon.