I Don't Know What To Title This

Okay, let's set things straight:

I DO love words.

I AM lacking time right now.

I WANT to put my thoughts into words that make sense.

My brain IS mushy. {this is NOT funny}

My heart IS full.

I AM out of sorts with myself right now. {NOT a very cool place to be}

At least I can write here and y'all will understand me to a point. That makes me feel a little bit better.

But right now, this is where I'd like to run away to:

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I would love to grab my Bible, journal, and a passel of pens, jump into a car, don my sunglasses and turn on some melodious melody that would calm my spirits. My choice for the moment would be something such as "A Place Called Grace" or "Through the Fire", for such words would speak to my heart where I'm at right now. Down long highways I would go, till I found my spot.

This place I speak of is in my imaginations, and I don't quite know the entirety of what it looks like or where exactly it is located. But what I do know, I tell. It's well off the beaten path, a little cottage surrounded by woods, but the woods are not too close to the cottage. In other words, breathing room is plenteous. The sounds of nature come alive, along with the blooming colors of spring. There is no phone, internet, computer or any such thing available. It's a quiet place - a lovely place. There are several places that are beckoning you to come and rest: the wide porch, the swing out back or the gazebo down the wooded path.

If you were to go there, you would find rest, rejuvenation and relaxation to your heart's content. You wouldn't want to leave, for it would be a haven of peace and comfort and you would learn more about the beauty of life and the specialness of every moment in more ways than you could imagine. It's a happy place, and I cannot imagine anyone who would not want to go visit for at least a little spell.

Sometimes, sometimes, I really wish dreams would come true.

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Keep dreaming, you say? Eh, really? It's making me more out of sorts with myself and a little more bah-humbuggish. Blah. At least for this moment. But it was fun to write. ;) ha

I'm Alive

Dear Fellow Red Inkers,

I apologize for my failure to be 'here' in this challenge. It's not the way I wanted it to turn out. I really want to write. Yet I have tons of other assignments that I've been needing to work on which have been consuming my time and my energy. Yes, I want a break.

Anyway, I have not forgotten. I shall probably catch up when all of y'all are long since through and finished well. Then nobody shall be around to critique my writing.

Hopefully I can write something later today or this weekend. We shall see. There is a lot I need to learn and take in and get done.

Thank you for your kind hearts and understanding.

Here I Stand,

Your Fellow Red Inker

{Ruth Ann}

Tonight

It has gotten late.

It has been a long day.

It has been a good day.

Obviously, I cannot write this late.

I must get to bed.

However, I might [might] try to write two things tomorrow.

We shall see.

Life is full. But it is delightfully full, and oh so good.

I got a lot accomplished today.

Now, bed is calling my name.

God is so good to me. I don't think I can say that enough.

Till Later, Friends.

Scrambled Midnight Thoughts

I love words so much that my mind is mush tonight. :(

I really wanted to write...cause I really have something on my mind.

Yes, I avoided that last assignment like the plague. I clicked on the link and went "waaah!" :-/ Kelley told me it wasn't that bad but that she didn't like her response either.

I really like what I wrote yesterday. Just cause it's so real and true and what I've written in my head so many times. It feels good when something is out of my head and finally in words that I can read.

Sometimes I think I'm silly, cause I like to read what I write. Then I'll read it again and again and again. And sometimes I'll still correct or edit it.

Is it weird to like reading what you write?

Life is crazy full these days. My brains went mush tonight. It was not cool. I had tons of assignments and couldn't focus on any of them. Now it's after midnight and I really should be in bed.

Tomorrow is going to be so full. Wake up, prayer at church, preparations for Mema's birthday dinner, put together picture board for SS class, at least do an outline on a flier for church, finish a reading assignment, get some semblance of order in my life... And yes, I'm crazy for staying up so late.

But now I can say I wrote today. Even if it is scrambled. You don't even have to attempt to chop this one apart if you don't want to. I have a good feeling that it's not very good since I already admitted to it being all over the place.

There. It felt good to write. Even if it didn't make much sense.

Good Knight, dear Red Inkers.

My Special Friend

I saw her that first day we walked into a new church. My anxious little heart wondered what could be in store for us here, because I really didn't want to settle down if my heart was going to be ripped up again. So I surveyed the scene before me, taking it all in. This dear soul caught my attention. She sang so beautifully, had the cheeriest smile and when it was time to greet people she came over, introduced herself and gave me a hug.

Later, when I had to be at work and couldn't be there, I was told she wondered where I was. That little bit of news surely made me smile, because if anything I was hungry for love, for a compassionate and understanding soul. She definitely seemed to have a good dose of care about her.

Then there was the night I sat at my computer, debating whether I should request her as a friend on facebook. We didn't really know each other a whole lot, but there was something so genuine about her which made me want to know her more. Finally, I decided to send a request and see what would happen. To my delight, the request was soon accepted and we haven't turned back since.

One day I sent her a message, asking prayer for a friend who was sick. The reply was so genuine, kind and caring. This lady was intriguing. She had a glow about her life that was clearly Jesus shining from her. Soon it came to be that one of the happiest parts of my day was seeing the message notification on facebook. Day after day I would write, and she, busy lady that she was, would write back such encouraging words. If I was discouraged, she was there with a word of cheer, if I was happy, she was smiling with me, and if I was overwhelmed, what a comfort she was! Many words were passed between the two of us, and God began to form a special bond of friendship between her and I.

Then there was that night where my heart felt broken. Life just seemed laden with trials at that time, and my mommy's tears seemed like they could have been mine as well. During the song service that night, my friend sang a beautiful song, "He Is Here." My heart was hurting, but hearing her sing comforted my heart. Afterwards, she walked over to where I was sitting, and without a word wrapped her arms around me as she caressed me in her arms. I felt safe and did not want to leave that sweet embrace. That night she was Jesus to me, being comfort to a mourning heart. The memory of that time shall forever live with me.

In my heart I am confident that God designed this friendship. My friend is a very special person. I love to see the way she looks at her husband, how twenty-four years later they still act like they are on their honeymoon. I love how she takes the time to invest in my life, being a listening ear when I need to unload or offering advice when I ask for it. I love how she loves Jesus and lives Jesus and praises Jesus. If anything, I want her example etched in my heart so I can be a true friend to others like she has been to me.

An Exceeding Abundant Life

Tonight I'm happy. Quite contented, peaceful, excited and expectant.

It's been a busy day, today has. But I got lots accomplished, and now here am working on a few projects and realized that I hadn't written...oh fun! It's been in my head all day long but I've just not been able to stop and make it happen. So let's see where I go. :)

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Life is so different than what I ever imagined it to be. Yet at the same time, it is so much richer, exciting and fulfilling than anything I could ever have dreamed. It reminds me of a favorite verse that says "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us..." [Eph 3:20] The more I live the more I find truth in the fact that God is an on-time God and His ways and plans are so much better than mine.

It is true that there are times where I feel discouraged, when I just want my dreams to come to pass now and on my terms, but then I'm reminded that it's not about me. In fact, all of life as a Christian should be spent living every moment and doing everything I do for one purpose: to bring glory to God.

My thoughts tonight are happy thoughts. I came home from church where we sang "My, my, my what a JOY to serve my Jesus, Oh that I could explain the way I feel..." That pretty much sums it up for me right now. There's no greater happiness than what comes from feeling peace in my heart that I am participating in His work.

In the past few weeks I have seen God's hand on my life. He's given, He's taken away, and right now I can stand and say "Blessed be Your name!" It's really beautiful. It's always an encouragement to me when I know without a doubt that God has given me projects to do, and they weren't just something else I decided to do to pass time. Honestly, I'm just excited about the things I've been seeing God do and what He is in the middle of doing in my life.

The other day I found out that I no longer have a job. Basically, I was "laid off", if you want to put it in proper terms. You see, I have worked part-time for a Christian ministry for teenage girls ever since I graduated high school six years ago. Finances have been tough lately and they cannot afford to pay me at this time. In the midst of wondering how I am going to pay my bills much less save money for other things, there is a peace in my heart. God has a plan and I am so excited to see what the next part of His plan is. It's wonderful to remember the part of the verse that says "exceeding abundantly."

Sure, I still have dreams for what I want life to contain. It'd almost be impossible to live without them, for that is what keeps me hoping and growing. Yet for me, I need to keep my eyes on Jesus so I'll dream His dreams for my life and see them come to pass. Life may be different from my expectations of younger days, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

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This was so 'spur of the moment' but I needed to write it. Can't wait to hear y'alls thoughts! And, seeing it is so late, no, I didn't proof-read it. Y'all get that joy!

ps: thanks to all of you who commented with ideas for improvement on my last post. I read the comments but have yet to fully process them and make my edits. :)

pss: hehe. I DID proof read it - quite a few times actually. So it's cleaned up since the beginning. told you I'm forever doing this.

Beyond Four Walls

family. life. laughter. beds. kitchen. haven. light. warmth. love. noise. smells. safety. parents. siblings. work. computer. yard. memories. happy. frustrations. room. food. internet. phones. hearts.

I have a superimposed image of home in my mind. Or, maybe, it's two thoughts composed into one that give me the whole picture of what home is. You see, home is a beautiful place - sometimes messy, overwhelming, and frustrating while at other times quite peaceful, melodious, and calm. Yet I normally can think of it as a safe place - a haven of work, rest, and useful, happy enterprise.

My home is down a dirt road, lodged on a four-acre lot - a mini-farm in the middle of the city. From the moment you arrive at this place you will immediately begin to hear a variety of noise. Whether it's the constant, yippy, annoying bark of the dogs or the sounds of laughter and voices talking, it's a place I've known my entire life. Though time and seasons have changed many things, there is always a happy feeling in my heart when I arrive home.

Truly, there is "no place like home." Apart from the people, memories, and time spent inside these walls and frolicking in the outdoors, 'home' wouldn't be much. That's why I can straightway tell you that home is not just four walls and a roof. No, it's way more than that. It's the wake-up noise in the morning of mom playing the piano loudly so we'll wake up, or banging on our doors and saying it is high time for us to be out of bed since the sun has been up for hours. It's smelling the awful smell of oatmeal floating up the stairs, confirming my idea that it'd be a much better idea to stay in bed. Or, on happier days, it's smelling the aroma of bacon, eggs and grits.

Home is where I can be real - whether it's real and scary when I get up in the morning or real and grumpy and opinionated about whatever it is that strikes me in the wrong way. That realness comes with a price, too, because it means that my siblings have a doorway to knowing what strikes my fancy, what [or whom] I love or hate, and what is the quickest way to get on my nerves or making me smile or cry. In this realness though, there is a closer bond because I know we're all together for the long haul.

Yet in the word 'home' I find a greater mystery that compels me. A dear friend told me that when she met her husband [to-be] she felt like she'd found home. Twenty-four years later, she still is madly in love and since her heart is her husband's, she's at home wherever he is. It's quite beautiful. Every time I see it, my heart is encouraged and filled with joy, love, and happiness. One day, I want to find home like that. It'll be a continuation of the miniature, noisy farm and hubbub of life that I live now, but it's all in my dreams: to find home.